Hello friend- I’ll take this as a good sign. 73% of podcast listening happens on a smartphone, so the fact that you’re here tells me you have not chucked your phone out the window…yet. Good. Cuz this is a prime example of how your phone can be used well as a tool to draw you closer to God and to others.
In case you didn’t know, we’re in the beginning stages of the REDEEM Her Phone-Time Challenge Series– right now we’re laying the foundation before we embark on our 40 day Challenge together…you’re gonna want to join the free REDEEM Her Time Community to grab the resources you’ll need and get the support to stick with it…cuz let’s be honest- if you could have done it alone, you would have done it already, right?
How about a quick recap of where we’ve been so far…
On Episode 105, we discovered that even when you feel like you have NO Time (I hear this from nearly every woman I talk to) you really do…and I share the #1 Tip to Find 1-4 Hours in your Day so you can invest your time in what matters most in this season and in light of eternity…that’s a much better use of your time.
Next, on Episode 106 we talked about the effects of being distracted by your phone on your relationships, health and faith walk…and I shared 2 key steps for Christian women to overcome digital distraction to not let your phone become an idol, an influence or even a tool in the hands of the Enemy.
Today, we’re gonna focus on how to get started with setting healthy screen-time boundaries…cuz let’s be honest, reaching for your phone has become so habitual, you probably can’t imagine life without it, or at least with less of it. That’s ok, we’re gonna do it step by step and before you know it, you’ll be free of the pull it has on you.
To do that, let’s use the analogy of a dating relationship you wanted to get out of back in the day.
I’ll be honest, I didn’t date at all in highschool or for the first 3 ½ years of college (in fact, my hubby of 27 years was my only true long-term relationship). But there was this 1 guy I hung out with for a few weeks at the beginning of my freshman year of college …probably because we had gone to high school together and both ended up at the same college, so it felt comfortable. Deep down inside, I knew that wasn’t where I wanted to spend my time, so I started to pull away and told him I just wanted to “be friends”.
Even though I didn’t have a lot of break-ups personally during those years, I walked alongside plenty of friends and watched them go through the process with a guy they no longer wanted to be with…did you have a lot of break ups? I like to think that I saved myself all the heartache and didn’t miss out by not dating.
So let me ask- do you WANT to BREAK-UP with your phone?
As we’ve talked about so far in this series, the first step is to be aware of where you are, and the second is to decide to change. And just like any romantic relationship, no one else can decide that for you- it has to come from you. I was inspired to take this journey in breaking up with my phone to a whole new level with the REDEEMING Your Phone Bible Study Companion from The Daily Grace Co. (love their gospel-centered resources)
Once you’ve decided that’s what you want, now you are ready to move on to the 3 steps to start setting healthy screen-time boundaries…
- Take a break.
- Define the relationship.
- Fill your time with other things.
Sound a lot like what you did when you broke up in other ways? Wink, wink. If you could do it then, you can do it now.
- TAKE A BREAK. If ever you’ve been in a dating relationship that consumes you, you know that getting some space to get clarity is where to start. In some cases, that means cold turkey and no contact for a while, while in others that may mean less interaction for a shorter time period. Either way, taking a break reveals how you feel without that relationship taking up so much of your time…cuz chances are it’s been a while since you’ve been without it. And most likely, the longer you’ve been tethered, the longer you’ll need to be apart before you are ready to set parameters for what the relationship will look like moving forward.
Think back to a time you needed a break- How did it feel to have space and time away? What did you notice without the relationship always being a part of everything you did? Did it give you clarity? Did it allow you to see the people and things around you that you were missing out on? Did it help you to clarify what you really wanted?
You can do the same thing with your phone.
In fact, I am just back from my annual college girls’ weekend…we have been getting together for 18 years now and our time together is such a gift. (But let me tell you, we gotta protect it fiercely cuz with hubby, kids, aging parents, in-laws, jobs, businesses, and aging ourselves…there’s a lot that could keep us away.) We don’t do the typical girls reunion things- we just like to hole up in our Airbnb with throw blankets, loungewear…and plenty of coffee to laugh, cry, share, listen, pray, advise…and then we unplug from everything for a few days to reconnect with each other.
When we all arrived at our house for the weekend this year and found our spots around the coffee table, I started us off by asking everyone to share 1 word that described how they were coming in and what their year had been like. To be honest, we were all over the place. And do you know what my word was? UNPLUGGED.
Intentionally UNPLUGGING has brought me so much CLARITY.
I unplugged from my phone on my 3-week trip to Europe with my daughter before she headed to college…and then less than 2 months later with my hubby when we traveled for 3 weeks to serve missionaries in Central Asia and visit friends on the other side of the world. Honestly, I didn’t miss having constant digital connection over those 6 weeks…
Taking a break allowed me to be fully present with the people and experiences that were right in front of me.
And then later in the fall, when I was really seeking clarity about what God was calling me to do through this podcast and inside our community, it was unplugging that created the space for me to hear from Him and clearly know where He wanted me to focus.
When you keep doing the same thing, you can’t expect different results. That’s why it’s so valuable to take a break to get a renewed perspective.
So back to you and your phone- Are you open to taking a break for a time- for a few hours, or a few days, or even a few weeks- to see how life feels without it? There’s no right or wrong as to how long it should be- but I can promise you that any length of break will create the space you desperately need to really identify how much your phone controls you. And the longer the break, the better you’ll feel.
I’m gonna challenge you to take a break from your phone of some sort…and notice how you feel without it.
And may I give you a piece of advice? Don’t do it alone- come join us inside the REDEEM Her Time Community where we’re all doing it in our own way, but we are not alone. This past weekend I was able to get away from the demands of life and technology and really take an honest look at my life- where I am and where I’m going. And I gotta tell you, having the insight of others was invaluable…cuz they could see things I was blinded to and helped me verbalize what I couldn’t put into words.
- DEFINE THE RELATIONSHIP. Oh wow…I didn’t have to do break ups, but those words quickly take me back to my friends having the DTR conversation- you know, the awkward Define the Relationship conversation. If they had taken a break first, this part was always easier. Why? Cuz they had space to think and process what they wanted in the relationship and why. We talked at length about the importance of knowing the WHAT + the WHY in each of the 8 areas of attention during the WITH-God Series, particularly when we set our WITH-God Intentions (aka goals that stick) back in Episode 96. When you know what you want and why it matters, it helps to stick with it when the going gets tough…cuz you know it will!
You need to DEFINE the RELATIONSHIP with your Phone.
What does that look like? Well, we started to define that with the last question I left you with on Episode 106– What do you want your phone-time habits to look like 40 days from now? I would challenge you to think about what you want that to look like a year from now or even more. What are you doing on your phone? What are you not doing on your phone? What are you doing instead? What do you want people to say about you and your phone?
We can’t afford to NOT stop to ask these questions to define the relationship because the reality is-
Our DEVICES are NOT going away…in fact, they will only get MORE ADVANCED… and MORE DISTRACTING.
So by NOT asking, we just continue to waste more and more of our precious time on what does not matter. I have yet to meet a woman who feels like she has all the time she needs, so there’s no time to waste it my friend…right?
Even more important than WHAT you want in the relationship is WHY.
Here’s the second part of that question from Episode 106- What difference would that make in your life? Aka- WHY does it matter? What will that allow you to do more of? What will that lead you to do less of? What opportunities will that open up to you instead?
Here’s where I cannot tell you what to do and why- you have to decide and define that for yourself.
We are all in a different place with how we relate to our phones and we all have different goals for where we want to grow, so let me give you a few ideas to get you started from that relate to the 8 areas of attention…your faith-walk, family, friendships, service, stewardship, wellness, passions, dwelling
- To love your time in the Word of God
- To prioritize making memories with your family
- To intentionally connect with your friends
- To fill up in order to serve even more effectively
- To guard your heart from coveting, comparing and spending too much
- To get up off the couch for real food and much needed exercise
- To engage in new hobbies or interests that grow your skills and joy
- To make your home a welcoming place to connect face to face
Do some of those ideas get your wheels turning about your WHY?
Here are 2 that bring us back to our ultimate WHY in life- to love God and love others more and more..
- To love the Lord more than any device or app and use the resources on it well as a tool to grow your faith more than your following.
- To love others well and be fully present with your family, friends, and those you are called to serve in your community instead of scrolling.
I encourage you to push pause now to jot a few of your WHYs down, better yet, go grab the free REDEEM Her Phone Time Challenge Guide inside our free community where there are sections that prompt you to write your WHAT + your WHY so you have something to remind you when you’re tempted to go back to the comfort zone of what your phone did for you before….or at least what you thought it did.
Don’t be fooled…most likely the relationship you have with your phone now is not life-giving, but time-taking, right?
And just like back in the day when you questioned whether or not you were making the right decision breaking up with that guy, the worst thing you could have done was to go back to the relationship, thinking for some reason it would be right this time.
You’re gonna need these WHAT + WHYs plus some wisdom from others in your ear to not be sucked back into that relationship.
That’s why you’re gonna want to be part of the REDEEM Her Time Community…we’ll be that voice that reminds you of what you said you wanted and why…and what you would be going back to if you gave in yet again. We’re here for ya, sister!
Which brings us to the last step-
- Fill your time with other things. The worst thing you could do after breaking up with that guy was to sit around your dorm room and look at pictures of the two of you day and night. Those smiles probably made you want to run back into the comfort of his arms, even if the relationship wasn’t what you wanted it to be.
Speaking of The Daily Grace Co…I am using their Eden to Eternity Resources to read through the Bible chronologically this year and I am currently in Exodus where the children of Israel have just been rescued from bondage in slavery for over 400 years and are on their way to the Promised Land with the One True God… listen to what they said just a few days after crossing the Red Sea…
“What have you done to us in bringing us out of Egypt? Is not this what we said to you in Egypt: Leave us alone that we may serve the Egyptians? For it would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the wilderness.” Exodus 14:11-12
“Would that we had died by the hand of the Lord in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the meat pots and ate bread to the full.” Exodus 16:3
Over and over again God showed them who He was and that He had chosen them to be His people and to enjoy life WITH Him, rather than be enslaved to others…and yet how quickly they forgot and longed for the life they once had. Did they not remember how horrible life was at the hands of the Egyptians? Did they not remember all the signs and wonders God did to show who He is and how He rescued them from the hands of the Egyptians? Did they not clearly hear what He promised to give them?
We too quickly forget what God is calling us to in order to know and love Him more…and long to go back to what was once sucking the life out of us.
What advice would you have given a friend (or yourself) back in college who just wanted to sit around and cry over the good-old-days and what she no longer had (no matter how bad)? You would have told her to get over it and get out and do new things or see other people, right? Over time, she (or you) would experience the freedom of not being held back by a wrong relationship and the ability to explore new experiences or relationships that are life-giving.
The same is true with BREAKING UP with your phone.
Instead of longingly gazing at your device sitting on the coffee table and remembering all the fun games you once played and notifications you once got…get off the couch, get outside your comfort zone, and find people and things that matter and help you to live out what you’re called to in this season. Are you ok with a little tough love…if it’s for your good?
Good. Cuz here’s the thing…When you’re in it, you may not be able to see it, so make a list now, before we officially kick off the challenge, of alternatives to keep you from running right back to your phone out of habit or comfort…
Go for a walk.
Go grab coffee.
Go take a class.
Go read a book.
Go play a game.
Go on a date night (with your keeper guy of course)
And before long, you won’t even remember what life was like with your phone always at your side and in front of your face…just like how you eventually forgot that guy who was not right for you. In fact, you’ll find it opens up a whole new world to enjoy and new people in it…or maybe it’s the same people who have been there waiting for you to put down your phone to enjoy life together in a new way.
Write your ideas down now. And yes, there’s a section to write down all the alternatives you come up with to do WITHOUT your phone inside the free REDEEM Her Phone-Time Challenge Guide…you just gotta go get in the REDEEM Her Time Community to grab it.
Feeling better about breaking up with your phone, now that you know the 3 steps you need to take to start setting healthy screen-time boundaries?
- Take a break.
- Define the relationship.
- Start filling your time with other things.
Will you land on the other side of these 40 days perfectly where you envisioned beforehand? Probably not, but I guarantee you’ll be much closer than when you started….and you’ll be so glad you did. So start with these 3 simple steps- but I gotta warn you, just cuz they’re simple, does not mean they’re easy!
That’s why we need each other in COMMUNITY.
I’ll drop the link to join us and grab your guide so you can start prayerfully preparing before we officially start Feb 22nd…and yes, you can invite others to join us!
Be sure to come back in a few days for our next episode where we’ll talk about how to create a personalized phone-time plan that is unique to you so you don’t try to live on good intentions…cuz we all know how that turns out, right?
But before we go, may I pray for you?
Dear Father,
Thank you that you see us and know us…even better than we know ourselves. You see the impact our phones have on our lives and how more often than not, they move us further from truly loving you and loving others as You have called us to. Help this dear sister to not be blinded by the allure of what her phone-time has promised her. May she see the bondage it creates and be willing to follow your lead in her life towards freedom, even when it means going through the wilderness. The abundant life you promise is so much better than anything our devices could ever offer. We cannot wait to experience more of it with you. In Jesus’s name, Amen.
Thanks for joining me for this episode and until next time, remember…
You DO have ALL the time you need to do ALL He has called you to.
Be available to who + what matters most in this season and in light of eternity…
Cuz you are here for Such a Time as This.
Binge the REDEEM Her Phone-Time Challenge Series
Ep 105 No Time? The #1 Tip to Find 1-4 Hours in your Day for Better Time Management
Ep 106 Distracted by Your Phone? 2 Key Steps for Christian Women to Overcome Digital Distraction
Visit the REDEEM Her Time Website https://redeemhertime.com
> Join the REDEEM Her Time Community (did I mention it’s FREE?!)
> Get the REDEEM Her Phone-Time Guide + Screensaver (inside the group)
> Schedule a free 15 Min Strategy Session
>>> or DO ALL-THE-ABOVE!
P.S. And don’t forget to leave a review on Apple Podcasts to get your name in the drawing for $100 OFF the REDEEM Her Time Program…coming soon
Hey Always-Connected Girl-
Breaking up is hard to do…until it isn’t.
Remember back in the day when you were with a guy you knew was not the best use of your time and you wanted to part ways? Did you allow your relationship to stay the same? No way. You broke up.
If you could do it then, you can do it now…with your phone.
The question is… do you want to break up with the control your phone has on your time?
First you must be aware of where you are, and second decide to change. And just like any romantic relationship, no one else can decide that for you- it has to come from you. Once you do, you’ll be ready to get started.
Today I’m sharing the 3 Steps to start setting Healthy Screen-Time Boundaries so you can focus on what matters most.
- Take a Break.
- Define the Relationship.
- Fill your Time with other things.
Before you know it, you’ll be well on your way to experiencing freedom from your phone. So go get something to sip & something to write with, open up your heart & calendar and let’s dive in.
I pray this blesses, challenges and moves you to action!
L.Y.L.A.S. (Love Ya Like A Sis)
Lissa
P.S. Check out the show notes for a recap… plus links to join the free REDEEM Her Time Community + all the resources mentioned + a free 15 min Strategy Session here https://redeemhertime.com/107
P.P.S. Get your name in a drawing for $100 off the REDEEM Her Time Program when you leave a review of the show on Apple podcasts
