Hey friend. If you’re listening to this in real time, today is January 17th…do you remember the significance of that date? It’s the date the studies show most people drop off when it comes to their New Year resolutions, goals, intentions…whatever you prefer to call them.
That’s only 2 ½ weeks…that’s not very long.
Now if you’re listening to this after this date, just add 17 days to the day you said, I’m gonna do (fill-in-the-blank) and then ask yourself, am I still rolling with it? 76% of you would have to say no. No wonder most people don’t experience lasting life change, cuz like we’ve talked about, most people may not be giving it enough time to make it a habit.
If you remember, it takes 21-285 days, with 66 being the sweet spot.
But don’t worry about what most people are doing (or not doing)…what are YOU doing (or not doing)? One of the best ways to change things for the better is to invest in a community with others who are also committed to life change…and willing to hold you accountable to what you say you want to do. We’re currently in the midst of our 31-day 1 Thing Habit Challenge inside the REDEEM Her Time Community…and it’s not too late to join us. Plus, once you’re inside you get access to all kinds of resources to help you make the best use of your time, including accountability. When you use the link redeemhertime.com/community you get your first 3 days free.
I’d love to see you on the inside!
We’ve been going through a Timely Tip series on the podcast about habits cuz whether it’s the new year when you’re listening to this or not, we all have a tendency to start strong…and fall off at some point in the not-too-distant future. That is, if you have not built the habit correctly. Too true, right?
But…It doesn’t have to be that way.
I believe, if it’s important to you and part of your WITH-God Vision, Goals or Priorities, it’s worth investing a little time to make it happen…
Do you agree? Good- then let’s dive in.
The first Timely Tip on Episode 95 was to Focus on just 1 Thing– that’s intended to counter the common problem of trying to start too many new habits at once (not that any of us would know from personal experience or anything- ahem)… you can’t keep up with them all, so no wonder they start dropping! Instead focus on just 1 new habit at a time.
The next Timely Tip on Episode 97 was to Make it Obvious using implementation intentions + habit stacking…those strategies help counter the problem of “I just didn’t think about it”…cuz anything new needs to stick out at first to get noticed and done! Speaking of which, did you try the trip-over-it, step-over-it, notice-it technique for your family…or yourself? I trust it produced good results and make a point! If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you’ll have to go back and listen. In fact, these podcast episodes are all here as resource for you, so feel free to go back and refresh on any episode whenever you need.
Today’s Timely Tip is to Make it Attractive.
Let’s be honest, we have a tendency to move towards something that looks good to us, right?
For example, who is truly drawn to the head of broccoli as a late night snack when there’s leftover dessert sitting right next to it. Why is that? In the book Atomic Habits by James Clear we’ve been referring to, he cites several studies about what’s called the dopamine effect. When you’re about to get something you really want, your brain dumps dopamine into your system, raising your desire and in turn resulting in taking action towards that source of enjoyment. But without the dopamine, desire dies…and without desire, actions stop. Do you see the problem? There are a lot of attractive things out there that catch our attention and produce the dopamine effect… but many of them are not moving us closer to our WITH-God Vision, Goals or Priorities.
Like…
- the notifications on your phone first thing in the morning when you said you were going to start with Scripture to grow your faith-walk.
- the new organization system you found online when you said you were going to have unplugged time in the evening to grow your family relationships.
- the book you just started reading when you said you were going to reach out to that friend who really needed support to grow your friendships.
- the new posts you endlessly scroll through when you said you were just going on to share about your new program to grow your service.
- that cute new top…and pants…and shoes…on that app when you said you were going to stick to your budget to grow in your stewardship.
- that leftover piece of cake in the fridge when you said you were going to cut out sugar to not let cravings control you to grow in your wellness.
- the one more pinterest search when you said you were going to start on your new hobby to grow in your passions.
- the new season on Netflix when you said you were going to stick with your routines to keep your home ready for guests to grow in your dwelling
No judgment, we’ve all been there.
There are shiny objects around us, and with the rise of technology and its ability to put attractive things in front of us everywhere we go, we will only continue to see more. So what’s a girl to do to create a new habit and not get distracted by all the other attractive, but distractive things out there?
Make the habit attractive (aka- find a way to increase the dopamine for that broccoli, right?)
Today I’m going to share 2 ways to do that- the first deals with the words you say and the second with the order of your actions. If you haven’t already, grab your journal or your notes app…you ready?
- Change up the Words. How many times have you heard someone (or yourself) say, “I can’t eat cake.” or “I have to workout.”
How do the words CAN’T and HAVE TO make you feel? Not a lot of dopamine flooding your system to move you to action in that direction, right? When you use these words, you’re focusing on the thing you would rather have in the moment (cake over broccoli and Netflix over exercise) and it sounds like something is being done TO you, like you are being restricted by a force outside yourself that is depriving you of something you’d rather have. And like we said, when those desires are lacking, the chances of taking action are probably nowhere to be found either. Plus when the control is outside of you, it’s tempting to fight back, or give in, right?
So just make this small shift in your words- the difference is subtle, but the effect is powerful- and might even move you to action even with the same choice in front of you. Ready for it?
“ I DON’T eat cake.” “I GET TO workout”.
Only a difference of a word or two, so what’s the big deal? That cake probably doesn’t look any less attractive because the broccoli next to it suddenly does….and the thought of getting off the couch, changing clothes, putting on your shoes and going to your workout room doesn’t sound more attractive than watching another episode…so how does it work?
It makes the result you want in the long-term more attractive and it puts you in control of the decision.
Chances are the picture in your head of how you’ll feel in that dress at your son’s wedding in a few months gets you excited, so that feeling will not only move you to not taking action in the direction you don’t want to go, but in taking action towards where you do want to go.
Pay attention when you talk to others- or yourself.
Change up your words from CAN’T and HAVE TO to DON’T and GET TO…and I’d love to hear what difference that makes for you in making your habit attractive.
- Change Up the Order. When push comes to shove and the broccoli is sitting next to the cake or the next Netflix episode automatically plays while you look at your tennis shoes on the floor, it’s tempting to say, I’ll have the cake now then I’ll eat healthier or I’ll do the workout after this episode…been there too? What usually happens? You do the thing that looked more attractive in the moment and never got around to the thing that was actually going to move you towards where you wanted to be long term (in this case, confident and strong).
So what if you make it a game like you likely did when your kids were young?
Whether it was getting them to eat their veggies with the promise of dessert or to clean up their room with the promise of the park, as a mom, you used what they really wanted as the reward for doing what they didn’t want to, but needed to. This strategy worked because their dopamine spiked in anticipation of what they really wanted so they were willing to take action on what they needed to do to get there.
Guess what, you can use that same trick on yourself.
It’s called Temptation Bundling and it works by linking an action you want to do with one you need to do. As James Clear says in Atomic Habits, “You’re more likely to find a behavior attractive if you get to do (an enjoyable) thing at the same time (or right afterwards).
Perhaps you want to watch that Netflix episode, but that’s the time you planned to get on the treadmill- what if you watch netflix while you’re on the treadmill? (disclaimer, you might want to test it out first walking slowly before you start going faster and lose your balance). Or one of my tricks when I’m in the kitchen baking something sweet is to have a bowl of veggies on the counter that I can snack on and make a rule that I have to finish it before I can have a piece of whatever it is I’m making.
Make up your own game…there’s no shame in bribing yourself, just make sure the more enjoyable action does not undo your positive action.
The examples I gave today were all from the WELLNESS area of attention- probably because that’s often on women’s minds around the new year, but the techniques of Change up Your Words and Change Up the Order can be applied any time of year to any of the 8 areas of attention- FAITH WALK, FAMILY, FRIENDSHIP, SERVICE, STEWARDSHIP, WELLNESS, PASSIONS, DWELLING
Here’s a good one if you’re wanting to make a new habit of time in the Word first thing in the morning- call it Scripture before phone (aka don’t open your phone before you open the Word- unless you are using a Bible app of course) In that example, you will find when you switch up the order, you DO have time to be in the Word… and you may actually find you crave the dopamine rush from scrolling and seeing your likes and comments less than you used to.
You can even pair temptation bundling with the habit stacking strategy we talked about last time. For example, say you want to check Facebook, but you’ve committed to creating a habit of reading the Word and you need to exercise more. Create a temptation bundled habit stack like this…
After I read the word (habit I want to create), I will pull out my phone.
After I pull out my phone, I will do 10 burpees (habit I need).
After I do 10 burpees, I will check Facebook (habit I want)
So there you have it- 2 simple ways to make your new habit more attractive so it gets done– Change Up the Words and Change Up the Order. Now it’s up to you to put this timely tip into action.
I’d love to hear what stood out most to you and how you’ll use it. So send me a written or voice message using the link on the podcast page at redeemhertime.com/podcast.
Or better yet, join us inside the REDEEM Her Time Community where we’re not just talking about it, but walking it out with our 31 Day 1 Thing Habit Challenge. Come inside at redeemhertime.com/join.
And I still have a few spots left this month for a 15 min personalized Strategy Session– let’s put our heads together make your habits more attractive…and obvious. Grab your spot at redeemhertime.com/call.
Cuz you know… it’s not about just knowing what you should do, right?
Let’s do this TOGETHER.
Thanks for joining me for this Timely Tip episode and until next time, remember…
You DO have ALL the time you need to do ALL He has called you to…focus on who + what matters most to Redeem your Time…cuz you are here for Such a Time as This.
Binge the New Habit Timely Tip Series
Ep 95 Timely Tip: Focus on Just 1 Thing https://redeemhertime.com/95
Ep 97 Timely Tip: 2 Ways to Make New Habits Obvious https://redeemhertime.com/97
Ep 99 Make it Attractive…and actually do it! https://redeemhertime.com/99
Grab your free guide to REDEEM Your Time in 5 Min https://redeemhertime.com/5
Schedule a free 15 Min Strategy Session https://redeemhertime.com/call
Join the REDEEM Her Time Community to be part of the 31-Day 1 THING Habit Challenge…and get your first 3 days free!
